..:: insectario ::..

What It Feels Like...to Be Attacked by a Swarm of African Killer Bees

By Michael Finkel, 32, writer and chicken farmer

Buzz.

Buzz-buzz.

Buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz.¹

Buzzzzzzzzzz.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.²

Ouch.

Ouch!

Ouch-ouch-ouch.

Ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch.³

Fuckin' ouch!

Fuck-o-fuck-o-fuck-o-fuck-o-fuck.⁴

Fuck!

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuck.

"Run, Mike! Run, run, run!"⁵

Tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp- tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp-tramp.

Buzzzzzzz.

Tramptramptramptramp tramptramptramptramp

tramptramptramptramp tramptramptramptramp tramptramptramptramp

tramptramptramptramp tramptramptramptramp tramptramptramptramp

tramptramptramptramp⁶

Oh...oh...oh...oh

...oh...oh...oh, thank fuckin' God.⁷

1. They emerged from a nest hidden beneath a rock, near where I was hiking in central Africa. They came at me like fighter jets.

2. At a certain critical mass, the buzz stopped being a buzz. The sound became like a dentist's drill -- a piercing, shrieking whine.

3. The sting is sharp and quick and weirdly extractive. It feels less like something jabbing into you than like a small piece of you being yanked out. The immediate sensation is of heat -- a flash of fire at the stinger's point of impact -- then pain, the type of dizzy, nauseous pain that throbs at your fingertips.

4. My face was a mask of bees; I could not see. I clawed at the insects, but my clawing only further enraged them. My brain locked, a grand mal seizure of primal fear.

5. My friend Randy was shouting. It's an obvious thing to do, running, but in my frenzy I hadn't thought of it.

6. I ran over boulders and bushes and termite mounds. After a minute or so, the swarm released me.

7. If I'd been even mildly allergic, the bees would have lived up to their name. My head was pincushioned with stingers, two dozen of them, and had already inflamed to watermelonesque proportions. It took two weeks before the swelling subsided. I'm still waiting for the memories to do the same.