11.9.07

..:: as good as it gets::..


Tomado de esquire.com:

What It Feels Like...to Have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

By Craig Strobeck, 23, aspiring actor, as told to Daniel Torday

The moment I would get into the shower, I would feel exhaustion. I had to ready myself for between one and two and a half hours of shower time that I did not feel like doing, but I knew I had to, to stay clean. It would always start from top to bottom -- from my head all the way down. Everything had its own specific ritual.

Washing my hair would take about an hour. I would wash the back of my hair, the sides of my hair, the front of my hair, the very top of my hair. Washing the front of my forehead, I would scrub it sixty times; it could never be sixty-one. The arms would start with the shoulders, and I would have to scrub them to the point where I was scrubbing so hard on my collarbone and shoulder blades that it almost felt like the bone was piercing through the skin and touching the soap.

When it hurt like crazy, then I would know that I had completely scrubbed each area. I would run the soap up and down my arms at least one hundred to two hundred times each, just on the front side. I'd wrap the soap around my neck at least sixty to eighty times. Then I'd continue in this way down to my feet.

Sometimes after I was fully dressed, I would go back into the shower, sometimes in my clothes, or undress again, and just do one area that felt not clean enough. This voice in my head would speak to me, saying, "You're done, but I'd like you to do it again." There's this feeling in your mind like some terrible fate is going to meet you if you don't perform a certain ritual or task. Like you're trying to avoid paying your dues. The pressure to do it was constant and overwhelming. Like a voice saying, "Do not stop." Like a locomotive out of control.

1 No comments?:

Alberto dijo...

DIOS mio!!! Esta entrada habla de mí!!! AHHHHHH... que horror, así me siento muuuchas veces...